Embracing the Wave of Dialectics: The Transformative Power of DBT
In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the term "dialectical" holds a central and profound significance. Derived from the philosophical concept of dialectics, it represents a fundamental principle that guides the therapeutic approach. In DBT, dialectics refers to the integration of opposing perspectives, finding a balance between seemingly contradictory ideas, and seeking synthesis amidst apparent conflicts. By embracing dialectics, DBT encourages individuals to hold multiple truths simultaneously and work towards a more comprehensive understanding of themselves and their experiences.
Just for fun, we use the tide (aka ocean) analogy to help understand dialectics (cause those of us at Changing TIDES, well, we love the water):
Just as the tide continuously shifts between high and low points, dialectics in DBT emphasizes the acceptance of opposing truths and finding a balance between seemingly conflicting perspectives. Like the waves crashing against the shore, our emotions and thoughts can be intense and overwhelming.
DBT encourages us to ride these waves with mindfulness and acceptance, acknowledging that the ups and downs (waves) of emotions are a natural part of life. Just as the tide eventually recedes, emotions too will change and pass. By embracing the dialectical nature of life's experiences, we can find peace and resilience amidst the ever-changing currents of our emotions.
The founder of DBT, Dr. Marsha M. Linehan, developed this therapy initially to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD), a diagnosis marked by intense emotional dysregulation, impulsive behaviour, and unstable relationships. The challenges faced by individuals with BPD are often characterized by emotional extremes, where they may oscillate between feelings of worthlessness and grandiosity, love and hate, or self-harm and self-protection. Traditional therapeutic approaches often struggle to address these complexities effectively. With that being said, DBT is a remarkable treatment that can support anyone who struggles with emotional dysregulation.
In DBT, the concept of dialectics is applied at various levels:
Acceptance and Change: The primary dialectic in DBT is the balance between acceptance and change. Clients are encouraged to accept themselves and their emotions fully, without judgment, even when they experience intense pain or behave in self-destructive ways. Simultaneously, they are motivated to recognize the need for change and work towards healthier patterns of thinking and behaviour. This acceptance of the present situation does not negate the potential for growth and improvement.
Case Example – Maya and Her Urge to Withdraw
Maya comes to therapy after a conflict with her partner. When she feels overwhelmed, she shuts down, avoids messages, and tells herself she’s “impossible to love.” She arrives at session in tears, insisting, “This is just who I am. I ruin everything.”
Her therapist teaches her the dialectical stance:
Acceptance: Maya needs to acknowledge that withdrawing has been her coping mechanism for years. It makes sense based on her history and the intensity of her emotions.
Change: Even though her emotional pain is valid and understandable, this behaviour is harming her relationships. She can learn new skills (such as the STOP skill or checking the facts) to manage moments of overwhelm more effectively.
Together, they hold both truths: Maya is doing the best she can and she wants (and needs) to do better.
Validation: A significant aspect of DBT is validation. Validation refers to the act of acknowledging and accepting someone's emotions, thoughts, and experiences as valid and understandable, regardless of whether they align with our own beliefs or experiences … even if the behaviours resulting from these emotions might be problematic. It is a powerful and empathetic communication technique that conveys genuine understanding, compassion, and respect for the individual's feelings. Through validation, we affirm the person's right to experience and express their emotions, which fosters trust, strengthens the therapeutic relationship, and provides a safe space for emotional exploration and growth.
Case Example – Maya’s Shame After Snapping at a Friend
Maya shares that she snapped at her friend when plans changed last minute. She now feels deep shame and expects the therapist to scold her. Instead, the therapist says: “Given how sudden the change was and how sensitive you are to unpredictability, of course your nervous system reacted strongly. That makes complete sense.” This validation does not excuse the behaviour—it simply acknowledges why it happened.
Once Maya feels understood rather than judged, she’s able to explore:
What emotions came up
Why the situation felt threatening
How she might repair with her friend using interpersonal effectiveness skills
Validation becomes the doorway to change because Maya no longer feels defensive or misunderstood.
Synthesis of Opposites: Dialectics in DBT involves finding the common ground between seemingly contradictory beliefs or experiences. For instance, a person may recognize their feelings of anger towards a loved one while simultaneously acknowledging their love and attachment to that person. The goal is not to eradicate one feeling in favor of the other but to find a way to integrate both emotions, leading to a more nuanced understanding of the relationship.
Case Example – Maya Loves Her Partner … and Feels Angry With Her
Maya feels guilty because she gets angry when her partner forgets plans or runs late. She tells the therapist: “I must be a terrible partner. How can I love her and also be so mad at her?”
The therapist helps her see the dialectic:
She loves her partner deeply.
She also feels hurt and angry when her needs for reliability aren’t met.
Both feelings can exist at the same time.
Maya doesn’t have to choose between being “the angry one” or “the loving one.” Instead, she learns to integrate both emotions, making space for honest conversations like: “I care about you, and when plans change unexpectedly, I feel anxious and overwhelmed.” Through this synthesis, her relationships become more authentic and emotionally balanced.
Balancing Strategies: DBT teaches clients to balance acceptance and change strategies effectively. Acceptance strategies, such as mindfulness, help individuals stay present in the moment and acknowledge their emotions without attempting to suppress or deny them. Change strategies, on the other hand, involve implementing new behaviours and coping mechanisms to manage distress and achieve positive outcomes.
Case Example – Maya in a Panic Spiral
One afternoon, Maya is overwhelmed at work after receiving unexpected feedback from her supervisor. Her heart races, she thinks she will be fired, and she wants to quit immediately. Her therapist helps her build a plan using both acceptance and change strategies:
Acceptance Strategies:
Mindfulness of the breath: Grounding herself by noticing each inhale and exhale.
Observing & describing: “My chest is tight; my mind is predicting the worst.”
Radical acceptance: Acknowledging, “Feedback is uncomfortable, but it’s part of working in a team.”
Change Strategies
Checking the facts: The feedback was constructive, not a threat to her job.
Opposite action: Instead of avoiding her supervisor, she schedules a follow-up meeting for clarity.
Problem-solving: She makes a small plan to improve the task she received feedback on.
By balancing both sets of tools, Maya learns she can ride emotional waves without acting impulsively.
Therapeutic Relationship: The dialectical approach is also evident in the therapeutic relationship itself. Therapists adopt a balanced stance, offering genuine support and understanding while also challenging unhelpful behaviorus and encouraging personal growth. This balanced approach helps clients feel both accepted and challenged, fostering an environment where change becomes more feasible.
Case Example – Maya Testing the Therapist’s Boundaries
After a difficult week, Maya emails her therapist multiple times in one evening, expecting immediate reassurance. In session, the therapist is caring and understanding—acknowledging that the need for contact came from fear and loneliness.
Acceptance (Therapist): “I can see how distressed you were, and reaching out makes sense when you’re feeling isolated.”
Change (Therapist): “To help you build resilience between sessions, we also need to strengthen your ability to self-soothe and use your DBT skills before emailing. Let’s look at what was happening in the moment and which skills might have helped.”
The therapist remains warm and validating but also sets gentle boundaries, modelling the dialectical balance of compassion and challenge.This helps Maya feel both supported and empowered to grow.
By embracing dialectics, DBT provides a comprehensive and flexible framework that recognizes the complexity of human emotions and behaviour. It empowers individuals to develop greater emotional regulation, improved interpersonal skills, and a stronger sense of self. Through the synthesis of seemingly opposing forces, clients can achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life, reducing suffering and promoting overall well-being. The dialectical foundation of DBT enables individuals to navigate the complexities of their inner worlds, fostering personal growth, resilience, and a greater capacity for positive change.
At Changing Tides, many of our therapists practice DBT and have seen the continued growth clients can achieve. To learn more about this or to book your first appointment with one of our amazing therapists, please checkout this link.
